


Blind and Dumb Until We Fall Asleep

by orphan_account



Category: Marvel, Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: Amnesia, Bucky Barnes Needs a Hug, Bucky becomes self destructive, Bucky calls Natasha 'Natalia', Clint Barton Needs a Hug, Clint is a bad influence, F/M, M/M, Multi, lots of implied pairings that I won't put up there since they're all so weakly implied, we're pretending subdural hematomas can cause amnesia, weakly implied Natasha/Maria, weakly implied Thor/Jane/Darcy, what 'verse is this even from (we just don't know)
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-01-15
Updated: 2015-01-15
Packaged: 2018-03-07 16:19:42
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,994
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3177033
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Nat was the one to call him. That wasn't a surprise, considering she was on the mission with Clint.<br/>"He got hit in the head really hard, James. We're flying back to medical now to get him checked over."<br/>Bucky figured that she probably wasn't telling him everything just to keep him slightly calmer, but the fact that she had even bothered to call showed how worried she was.<br/>---<br/>Clint gets amnesia and forgets all about Bucky.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Blind and Dumb Until We Fall Asleep

**Author's Note:**

> I was messing around on an rp generator with these two when this prompt popped up. And because I hate myself, I went through with it in a few hours.  
> I only hope that it makes you as sad as it made me.  
> Title taken from 'Bear' from The Antlers album 'Hospice'.

Nat was the one to call him. That wasn't a surprise, considering she was on the mission with Clint.  
"He got hit in the head really hard, James. We're flying back to medical now to get him checked over."  
Bucky figured that she probably wasn't telling him everything just to keep him slightly calmer, but the fact that she had even bothered to call showed how worried she was.  
"I'll meet you there. Thanks, Natalia." He hung up on her, before he moved slowly to sit on his and Clint's bed.  
It'd been about a year and a half since they'd started dating, two years since they first met. It hadn't been great at first; apparently Clint wasn't too good at making friends, especially with someone he was secretly afraid might replace him on the team. But their arguments had turned less serious, their one liners turned from venom to snark, and soon, they were inseparable. They held each other through the sleepless nights, guarded each other on missions and were always there to welcome the other home after being apart.   
And now here they were, a year and a half later, and Bucky was nearly afraid that he was going to lose one of the only good things — no, the best thing — in his life. He knew the risk they ran with every mission, he knew how much more danger Clint was in than the rest of them. Bucky'd thought he was prepared for this.  
He was a fool.  
\---

After five minutes of shock, worry, desperate praying, and almost crying, Bucky forced himself to move and rush to the hospital.  
"Need a lift?" Tony's voice surprised him as he made his way through the shared living room. Everything must have gone to his head if he couldn't even notice Stark sneaking around.  
"Med bay." He nodded and watched the suit fly into the room and onto the inventor's body.  
"Nat called everyone. Sam's taking Steve, Thor's got Bruce. We'll let you spend some time alone with him, of course." The ceiling high windows slid open as Tony hugged the former assassin. They took off in silence. For once, no jokes or sarcasm left Tony's mouth. Bucky couldn't decide if he preferred the silence or not.  
\---  
They all met in one of the hallways. Not a word is said, only glances are exchanged. Steve pulled his best friend into a tight hug and Bucky couldn't help but break down again.  
\---  
Nat and Clint arrived two hours later, along with their handler and a flurry of nurses and doctors. Natalia didn't speak at first either, but her hands shook and her eyes watered. Thor immediately wrapped himself around her and she nearly collapsed against him.  
The doctors, nurses, handler, and Clint had sped past the group.  
"They're taking him to get an MRI done. They're thinking it's a hematoma, but no confirmation. He'll be staying here for a while though." She sounded so tired.  
"Thanks Nat." Steve nodded.   
"Anybody want coffee?" Bruce asked and most of them nodded. He, Sam, and Tony (now out of the suit) headed to find some while they all played the waiting game some more.  
"Thank you for protecting him, Natalia." Bucky said. He still hadn't gotten used to the fact that she had changed her name, but she didn't seem to mind.   
"Shouldn't have happened." She whispered.   
He didn't really have anything to say to that. Instead, he moved over to stand by Thor and stroked her hair in an attempt to soothe her like he used to do.  
\---  
Multiple scans confirming the hematoma and an emergency removal of the blood happened in the span of what felt like days despite it only being at most six hours. Clint hadn't woken up once during the entire duration, and it looked like it was going to stay that way. When he was finally rolled into a private room, the rest of the Avengers flooded the room, all scooting around each other in order to fit in comfortably. More calls are made: Thor called Jane and wished her and Darcy well; Tony checked in with Pepper; Bruce hesitantly called Betty to tell her that he loves her; Steve called Sharon and talked about visiting Peggy again; Nat got ahold of Hill and Coulson; updating them and getting comforted; Sam left messages for his family. They all had other people to comfort and be comforted by, and here was Bucky; alone with two hands wrapped around one of his lover's, praying and crying.   
\---  
Bucky refused to leave the hospital and only left Clint's side when the nurses needed to check on the archer or when he needed the restroom. He let himself waste away as he continued to wait for Clint to wake up.  
\---  
Three days later, Bucky heard a cough from the bed. The fingers he held twitched and he hoped beyond all hope that this wasn't another dream.  
"Who're you?" Clint's voice cracked as Bucky looked up. "Where's my wife?"  
In that very instant, Bucky felt his heart break again.

\---

Apparently Clint has lost a lot of his memories; the last five years haven’t happened according to his mind. Bucky laughed until he cried at the irony of the situation.

Bobbi came to the hospital the day after Clint awoke and apologized to Bucky, as if this was somehow her fault. He merely shrugged at her and told her that Clint, his Clint, the man he’d been planning on proposing to soon, needed her. She fixed him with a long hard look, but he was too tired to even squirm at that.

“He loves you.” She told him. “He might not remember it, but he does.”

“Right now he only loves you.” She sighed.

“Give him time. It’s not like all your memories came back at once, Barnes.”

“That’s different and you know it.” The only reason he didn’t shout at her was that he didn’t want to get thrown out, not that he’d been planning on staying longer.

“Look, I know it sucks James, and you have every reason to be upset, but god damn it, none of us will stand for you destroying yourself and making this even worse. So suck it up, be the hero we all know you can be, and give it time. You’re a good man, better than most. I’m sorry.” She added the last part softly before she opened the door and went to her ex-husband’s side.

Bucky closed his eyes so he wouldn’t see how Clint’s lit up as he saw her.

Unfortunately for him, he still heard how Clint sighed her name, as if she’s the only thing that made sense to him.

\---

He waited until he was outside the hospital to hit the wall with his left hand, feeling even more miserable afterwards.

Bobbi was right, of course she was. She was one of the most logical women he knew, and he had even asked her permission when he first started considering asking the archer to marry him.

Just because she was right didn’t mean he had to like it.

He didn’t return to the hospital after that. It’d been made clear that Clint didn’t want to see him, didn’t want to add to the confusion of the entire situation.

Back at the tower, the others tried their best not to look at him with pity, since they all knew how much the sniper would hate it. They didn’t do too well. Thor started letting him win at Mario Kart, Steve brought him sugary desserts, Tony started giving him random expensive gifts, and Nat would curl up against him every time she saw him alone. The only ones who were halfway decent about it were Bruce and Sam, and they mainly kept their distance.

\---

On the third day after Clint woke up, Bucky moved his stuff back to his old room. He took all his possessions, little ring box and all, and piled them on the formerly abandoned bed before collapsing head down next to it.

The next day when he came home from SHIELD, he found everything had been put away, blankets had been put on the bed, and there was a small plate of food on the bedside table.

\---

He slept alone for the first time in years that night. He woke up screaming from the nightmares that he thought he had left behind. He doesn’t try to sleep again.

\---

Clint isn’t scheduled to come home for a few more weeks, he’s told. He had brushed off the conversation as best as he could before going to S.H.I.E.L.D. and signing up for every mission they’ll let him.

He buried himself in work, hoping it would numb the pain.

\---

After two months of back-to-back missions, S.H.I.E.L.D. forced him to take time off. He knew it was a matter of time before that would happen. His shots have been getting a bit sloppy with the lack of sleep and overconsumption of caffeine. He started scaring his mission partners again, and he cut off communication with everyone a few weeks ago.

The emotional pain has been replaced with exhaustion, which is nice until he passed out on a plane ride back to HQ. He woke up clenching the arm of his latest partner with his metal one, his heart pounding and breathing shallow.

“Sorry,” He muttered as he let the agent go. “Rough week.”

\---

He stopped at a drugstore along the way back to the tower and bought two bottles of Nyquil, hoping that if he drugged himself, he’d finally be able to get some good rest. Cl-Agent Barton had complained about how terrible he felt after waking up from Nyquil-induced rest, but Bucky honestly didn’t give a damn about feeling anything.

“God, I’m a wreck.” He told himself as he made his way to the elevator of the tower at around 11 p.m. He didn’t want to face the others right now. He knew that they would all scold him for not bothering to return any contact, and he knew at least Steve (maybe Nat, depending on how bad he looked) would start coddling him with well-intentioned words and gestures.

“Welcome back, Sergeant Barnes.” Jarvis greeted him as the elevator doors closed and it began to move up.

“Mind not telling anyone that I’m back? At least not until I’m asleep?” The sniper popped up one of the bottle of Nyquil and downed half of it before grimacing. God, no wonder people hated it. It tasted horrible.

“I’m sorry, but the rest of the team has requested that I inform them immediately upon your return. If I do not, Captain Rogers and Prince Thor have said that they will pout at me, and Tony said that he may mess around with my programming.”

Bucky snorted. “Wouldn’t that just make things harder for him? Whatever. Fine. Can we speed it up so I can shower before they corner me?”

“That I can do for you, Sergeant Barnes.” The elevator adjusted, and a few seconds later the doors were opening to his floor.

“Thanks. I owe you one, Jarvis.”

\---

He had to sit down during his shower. Two months of exhaustion and half a bottle of sleeping medication weighed him down, making him sluggish and dizzy as he reached for the soap. He wondered if his ex – it still stung to think of the archer like that, but he figured that there was nothing left – had moved into the tower. He sighed. _I should probably get rid of that ring._ He thought sullenly.

Two months of numbness were over, and the weight of everything came crashing back down on him like ocean waves breaching rocks.

\---

After he dressed, he made his way to the little fridge in his personal living room. Unsurprisingly, the room wasn’t empty. Everyone was there. Literally everyone: Tony, Pepper, Rhodey, Sam, Steve, Natalia, Thor, Darcy, Jane, Bruce, Betty, Bobbi, and (he swallowed nervously) _Clint_. And about half of them were glaring at him.

“…I’d like to say I took some Nyquil before I got here so I might pass out in the middle of you yelling at me.” His stomach rumbled. “Also, if I could get some food before this happens, that’d be great.”

Instantly, all the glares melt away and Steve gets up.

“I’ll get you some food, Buck. Go sit.”

“I’d rather –”

“Sit.” Pepper’s tone doesn’t allow any room for argument. “I have to be up in five hours for meetings, so you are sitting and we are lecturing you.”

He meekly made his way to Steve’s vacated seat. He doesn’t remember having this many chairs in the room. He voiced that thought.

“You didn’t. We moved them all in here a week after you stopped answering calls.” Darcy shrugged at him from where she was curled between Thor and Jane.

“God, he disappears for two months with a broken heart and he starts acting as bad as you.” Bobbi turned to glare at Clint. “You are a terrible influence Clinton Barton.”

Clint threw his hands into the air. “Yeah, cuz it’s like I totally planned on getting really hurt and forgetting Buck. Yup, that’s exactly what I meant to do, this was all just shits and giggles for me.”

“Can it, hawkass, we’re here to lecture tin arm with love, not you. You had your turn and will probably have it again.” Tony, strangely, was the one to get everyone to focus back on Bucky, who was trying hard to focus and not fall asleep.

Nat flicked him on the side of the head. “We should probably do a shortened version tonight. He’s about to pass out.”

Steve returned with some pear slices. Bucky definitely didn’t remember having a pear in his fridge, so he must have been gone longer than he originally thought. He took them with a sleepy thanks before leaning against Nat. “Can you stay here, please?” He hoped that his desperation would show through how tired he was.

“Maybe. Now eat while we all tell you how important you are to us and that you can’t do this again.”

“I think you pretty much covered it right there, Nat.” Sam chimed in from his left.

“We could all say it on three and go back to sleep?” Tony suggests. “Jarvis, count to three!”

“We are definitely not doing that.” Jane interrupted. Tony pouted at her as she proceeded. “Look, Bucky, I don’t know you at all, but I do know that everyone has been very worried about you. Everyone on the team cares about you a lot. You can’t just disappear like that.”

“We understand that you’re hurt by everything that happened, but we’re your friends. Or we think we’re your friends. Doesn’t matter. Either way, you can talk to us.” Rhodey continued.

“Yeah, just tell us what you need, man. Can’t be a team if we can’t support each other.” Sam added on. Pretty much everyone nodded at that.

“If you need time away, that’s fine. But no disappearing acts. At least let us call you.” Steve said from the floor.

“I’m sorry.” Bucky finally said after a minute. “Won’t happen again.”

“Better not.” Nat said quickly as she runs a hand through his damp hair. “Next time we’ll come after you. Maria gave me permission.”

“Kay.” He muttered as his eyes fell shut. “Gonna pass out now.”

“Let us retire.” Thor announced and he heard everyone start to shuffle out of the room. When the door shut again, he sighed and opened his eyes, preparing to stand. Nat still sat next to him, and to his surprise, Bobbi and Clint were still in the room.

“Before you fall asleep, you two need to have a talk.” Bobbi declared, pointing between Bucky and Clint. “Nat and I are here just to make sure you two actually communicate.”

“Can’t wait?” Bucky whined. He really, really wanted to sleep.

“Sorry, Buck.” Clint said sheepishly.

“Ya realize that I’ll probably jus’ mumble and not remember anything right?”

“Too bad. It’s still happening, James.” Nat’s voice made me sigh sadly.

“Fine. Whaisit?” Bobbi prodded Clint and shot him a look.

“So uh, I’m sorry about everything.”

Bucky shrugged. “Like ya said, not your fault.”

“No, but I was still an ass about it. And I’m sorry about that. You’re amazing, Buck.”

The sniper couldn’t help but snort. “You don’t even remember me.” Nat flicked him again.

“No, I mean, kind of? Agh, I’m starting to remember, okay?” Wait, what? Bucky sat up fully, trying not to get his hopes up too much. “I know I was happy with you and I know you were – are, I mean are – important to me. So um, if you’re fine with it, I’d like to try again.” Wow, the archer was fidgeting and he was definitely blushing.

Bucky could almost hear his heart pounding. God, if he woke up and this was all some dream, he was going to lock himself in the gym and beat up all the sandbags he could.

“Are you falling asleep or are you thinking? Cuz I’m starting to feel like this was a stupid idea and I’m about five seconds away from climbing into the air vents to go hide in embarrassment.”

“Please stay.” He pleaded, though he’d blame that on the Nyquil and sleep deprivation. “Please.” He whispered again. _Please let this be real._ He thought.

“I gotcha, Buck. I’m staying.” The archer knelt down in front of him and pulled him into a familiar hug. His eyes slipped closed as he whispered a ‘thank you’.

\---

Five months later, they’re pretty much where they were before Clint lost his memories. He still isn’t sure about proposing yet, if it’s too soon after everything that’s happened.

He figures that time doesn’t really matter; it’s never applied to them correctly. He knows where he belongs, and he knows Clint feels the same.

**Author's Note:**

> The scene with the phone calls is kind of inspired by the 'Identity Crisis' run of the Justice League, which is superb and should be read by everyone. Also the ending tone for this was kinda loosely based on the tone scapegoat uses in The Tony Stark Family Plan? series, which is also awesome.  
> Constructive criticism is always appreciated, especially since this took me maybe five hours. I know there's a tense switch at the end but that was kind of deliberate.  
> Anyway, thanks for reading! <3


End file.
